I was walking through Walmart and saw it on the cover of US Weekly. Chris Brown and Rihanna’s traumatic breakup. Since it was US Weekly, I figured that it was probably not true (even though I am as hopelessly addicted to trashy tabloid magazines as the next person). A few days later, the only guy in our office gave me his wife’s copy of Entertainment Weekly since he knows all about my Twilight obsession and Edward and Bella were on the cover (breathtaking). While flipping through the issue, I came across another article claiming that Brown and Rihanna had broken up, but even more shocking was that the reason behind the breakup was because he had abused her. I decided to read on and get the details from a seemingly more reliable source.

Entertainment Weekly stated that the night before the Grammy’s, Chris and Rihanna attended a Grammy pre-party and seemed to be the picture of a beautiful, young couple deeply in love. However, the next morning, Grammy producers received word that neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna would be attending the show that night (even thought they were both nominated and on the schedule to perform). It seemed that Chris Brown was under investigation for domestic violence felony charges for assaulting a woman. Even more shocking was that the supposed victim was his girlfriend Rihanna. Right before the Grammy ceremony started, Brown turned himself into authorities and was released soon after on a $50,000 bond. His court date is scheduled for March 5th.

So now that I have rehashed all of the gruesome details, there are two questions running through my mind: 1) why? and 2) what would I do if I were the victim in this situation? Besides the fact that both parties are very famous and have a highly publicized relationship, this type of situation is all too often not far from our own backyards. I think that a lot of people have the “it would never happen to me” attitude about abusive relationships, but even the most picture perfect relationships can turn ugly. In the right situation, with the right amount of anger and surge of adrenaline, anyone can lose it. Because of this, I think that it is important for us not to expect the worse from our significant other, but rather have an idea about how we might handle the situation.

When I was in college, I had been dating a guy for a little over a year. He had started drinking excessively on the weekends, and one night while trying to get him back to his room, he got angry and pushed me into a wall. I broke up with him right then and there, and never looked back. It starts out with little things: pushing, verbal/emotional abuse, slaps, restraining or grabbing your wrists; but it can quickly escalate into something bigger and much worse. And the one thing that tends to keep most people in the relationship is the notion that the situation merited the person’s violent response. We want to make excuses because when you love someone, it’s hard to accept the fact that they are nothing like the person you thought they were. When you love someone unconditionally, it’s hard to say that this is one condition that is the exception to the rule.

So it appears that Rihanna decided to call the cops on her long time boyfriend after he physically abused her. And I know how it feels to make that call; to pull the plug on a relationship with someone you truly loved and thought you could trust. I said that in my previous relationship I dumped my boyfriend and never looked back, but that doesn’t mean that it was easy. There were the “I was drunk” excuses for weeks afterwards, the “I’m sorry” flowers, and the moments where I thought about how simple it would be to make excuses for him and forget the whole incident. But at the end of the day, the one person I couldn’t turn my back on, was me. So I invite you to think about what you would do if faced with such a disheartening situation. And more importantly, I encourage you stand up for what you believe and respect yourself…because you ARE worth it.

* If you are currently in an abusive relationship, please find the courage to make the call. The following are resources that can help you:

• The Salvation Army Domestic Violence Hotline: (214) 424-7200
• Domestic Violence Intervention Alliance of Dallas: (214) 941-1991
• Hope’s Door 24 Hour Hotline: (972) 422-7233‎
• Brighter Tomorrows Crisis Hotline- 24 Hour Hotline: (972) 262-8383‎
• http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/womenrisk/

Around Christmas time, I went on a few dates with a guy who seemed like quite a catch. He was charismatic, took me out on an AMAZING date, paid for everything and was a complete gentleman. We went out a couple of more times, and then he left town for a week to go to Colorado to ski, mountain climb, be a rugged man, whatever. Now unless his fingers were broken from a tragic ski accident, there really was no reason why I hadn’t received a call or text for almost a week. So when I had almost given up hope, I get out of the gym only to find that I have a missed call and voicemail from this “wonderful” guy. He proceeded to tell me how much he missed me and how he felt like it had been years since we had talked. I called him back, we talked, and agreed to meet up the next night with some friends at a bar in Addison. The entire evening could not have been more awkward: I had to toss back more than my fair share to make it even remotely bearable. Before I left he clarified how much he really liked me (blah, blah, blah), however proceeded to not call me for two days. Finally he calls, and tells me that he has emotional and mental issues and doesn’t want to put me through his “ups and downs” by dating me. Well thank GOD for that. And how exciting that I have one more lame excuse to add to the pages I have already accumulated in

However, after this whole incident, I took stock and went back over the whole situation. Do I really want to be with someone who doesn’t call? Do I really want to spend all of my time suppressing my feelings so that I can appear like I don’t care? Or do I want the guy who is going to call when he says he will, doesn’t care if I’m makeup-less with hair in a ponytail and sweats on, won’t point out that my love of pizza is going straight to my derriere, and doesn’t complain about my unrealistic expectations of him because of my current infatuation with Edward Cullen? Okay, so maybe I’m being a little idealistic, but I believe that we can find someone who embodies what we truly want. And I believe that in order to find that person it is essential to stop looking for opportunities and let them find you. They will show up in the most unexpected of places. That’s all for now. Tune in later for more adventures and misgivings.

xoxo

I’m single; single and living in the city. It sounds kind of like sex and the city, but without the fabulous designer clothes and the time to go suck down Cosmos on a weeknight at a trendy bar. And I haven’t always been single. I’ve had my fair share of winners, losers, clingers, jerks, atheists, head cases, criers, binge drinkers, too-good-to-be truers (and trust me, the majority of the time they are), liars, cheaters, and pretty much anything else you can think of. And that is predominantly what this blog is about: the adventures, misgivings, and the downright rollercoaster of a world that today’s singles face. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it totally sucks. Sometimes I just need to vent about the craziness involved in the single gal’s world (He’s Just Not That Into You anyone?). So read on to find out more about my crazy life and why, in spite of all of the drama, I’m still hopeful for Mr. Right.

Hello there! Welcom to Tinstar Sweetheart. I'll be launching in full force soon, so check back to see my first post.