Give a big welcome to Pare, our newest Tinstar Sweetheart. Unfortunately our Jane rode off into the sunset, but we've found a great gal to help us sort through all the funny things that happen in relationships.

So tune in and soon Pare will swing by to say hi to everyone!

So, I’m going to be honest with you…I found a special someone. I’m no longer “single in the city”, and quite frankly, I kind of like it. The story is actually one for the archives, so I’ll go ahead and share it with you. To cover my honey’s identity (and my own), our names for the purposes of this blog will be Dick and Jane. So here we go…

***When Jane was 14 years old, she was invited to a Dallas Stars hockey game by a schoolmate and eagerly agreed to go, being an avid hockey fan herself. Never did she expect what was to happen on that glorious evening. Once in their seats, Jane caught the eye of a handsome young man sitting a few rows in front of her. There were some long gazes, sheepish smiles, and some giggling from Jane and her friend. When half time began, this devastatingly handsome young man approached Jane and asked her name, which she happily divulged to him. His name was Dick, and he was 16 (older man!), and was a hockey player himself at his local high school. Dick wrote down his name, phone number, and instant messaging screen name (all the craze), and gave it to Jane on a small piece of white paper. The game continued and Brett Hull got a hat trick that night. Was it fate? Soon to find out…

Incredibly eager to get home, Jane rushed up to her computer, and added Dick as a friend on her buddy list. Dick was online! After chatting on instant messenger until all hours of the morning, Dick and Jane finally said goodnight. Jane crawled into bed with that nervous/excited feeling in her stomach, not knowing what lied ahead.

After some more chatting on instant messenger, and a few white lies to the parentals, Jane arranged to meet Dick for a movie. Eventually their relationship (a.k.a. phone relationship) went public, and Dick and Jane were officially an item. However, over a few weeks, Dick started acting sketchy, and Jane new something fishy was up. A few days later, Dick broke up with Jane, and she was devastated. The first boy that gave her that can’t-eat-can’t sleep, head over heels, crazily infatuated feeling was gone, and her heart was left in shambles.

Over several months, it seemed that Dick must have had some second thoughts about their break up, because he kept calling. Eventually he spilled the beans that the only reason he broke up with Jane was because his friends told him to since she was younger than him! Jane really thought he was a winner now, and hung up the phone. That was the last time she talked to Dick for several months.

There were the occasional meetings at Starbucks, and phone chats, but Jane’s heart was guarded and she was suspicious of this boy’s intentions. The years went by, and Dick graduated from high school and went to a college on the east coast for photography. During Christmas break that year, Dick got in a horrific car accident, in which he almost died. However, God must have been looking out for him, because he gave him a second chance. Even though he decided to not go back to the east coast, he settled into a little town in Texas called College Station.

Dick made the long trek up to the big city to see his family, and while in his room, his thoughts floated to Jane. He decided to call her and see how she was doing and if she wanted to meet for coffee and catch up. Jane agreed, but upon arriving at the coffee shop, it was closed. Jane and Dick sat on the ground in the parking lot for 4 hours just talking about life, and laughing about the immaturity of their past “relationship”. It was a beautiful summer night that she would never forget, but neither she, nor Dick, realized that it would be another 4 years before they would see each other again.

Jane graduated from high school and headed off to college, ready for the next chapter in her life. Dick joined the United States Navy, and was shipped off to Japan for two years. Nights can get lonely for some while sleeping on a boat, so many miles from home. While lying in bed one night, Dick’s thoughts once again floated to Jane, so he picked up the phone to make that incredibly costly international call. A very surprised voice answered on the other end, since it had been over a year since that special summer night. Dick and Jane started to exchange emails on a weekly basis. The emails allowed Dick to vent about life in the Navy and how it hadn’t exactly turned out like he had hoped. He looked forward to Jane’s responses because they comforted him, and he looked at her picture every night before he went to sleep.

The now “friendship” that had broken Jane’s teenaged little heart so many years before turned into daily phone calls once Dick came back to the U.S. and was stationed in San Diego. Jane was still talking to Dick when she met another boy who seemed like everything she had been waiting for. Not wanting to be unfaithful, Jane told Dick that it was probably best if they didn’t talk anymore. Dick didn’t understand, and felt hurt that Jane would do that in spite of all of their history. It was a little over a year before they spoke again.

Like so many of Jane’s previous relationships, this one turned out to be a doozie. The “jealous of your relationship with your dog” boyfriend was not really her type. While walking to the last football game of her college career, Jane’s cell phone rang and her heart stopped when she saw that it was Dick. Dick was watching the game on TV and wanted to know how Jane was doing. It was very loud, but Jane promised to call Dick later that night, and after hanging up, she felt that for the first time, the timing might be right.

Dick had finished his specialized combat training, and was about to graduate from school in San Diego and make the move to his new station in Louisiana. Jane was about to graduate from college in a few months, and over her Thanksgiving break, she and Dick were finally in the same vicinity to see each other again. They had lunch and went to see a movie at the theater they had gone to on their first “date” so many years before. The next day, Dick moved to Louisiana, but kept in contact with Jane.

Around Christmas time, Dick was in town visiting his family and invited Jane to come over for family dinner. A little hesitant (family dinner?!), Jane agreed. What she was expecting to be a very awkward night actually turned into an amazing night, so Jane and Dick spent the rest of the weekend together. With Christmas over, it was time for Dick to return to Louisiana, but he called Jane every day.

New Year’s Eve rolled around, and Jane was falling for Dick more and more. She decided to call him to wish him a happy new year, and was surprised to hear a girl’s voice in the background. Dick had met someone, and she was spending the week at his house. Thinking that things were going to be different this time around, Jane was heartbroken and told Dick to not call, text message, or email her ever again. She hung up the phone and refused to answer as Dick called over and over again. He sent her a text message that said, “Please answer. You don’t even have to talk to me, just let me say one thing.” Her phone rang again, and Jane answered without saying a word. Dick’s distraught voice on the other end explained that the girl was someone he had met while out, but she lived a few hours away. She had shown up on his doorstep one day, luggage in tow, saying that she was there to stay for a few days. Being the pushover that he is, Dick did not want to hurt her feelings, and agreed to let her stay. After hearing how upset Jane was on the phone, Dick was aware of how strong her feelings for him truly were, and he realized that he wanted to see that through. He immediately told the harlot that she had to go home. After gathering his thoughts he called Jane and this is what he said:

“Jane I am so incredibly sorry. Even though we are not in a relationship, we have been talking every day, and it was wrong and dishonest of me to not tell you what was going on. When you told me to not call you anymore, I realized that I had screwed things up with you once again. And I can’t help but wonder why you’ve continued to let me off the hook for so many years, and if you decided not to this time, I would understand. But I just want you to know that for the past 8 years, you’ve been the one thing that is constant, and good, and true in my life. I know I’m an idiot, and I never say the right thing, or do the right thing, but I’d like one last chance to prove to you that I’m not that idiot that dumped you 8 years ago. If I get in my car right now, I can be where you are by midnight, and if that what it takes for you to know that I’m serious, that’s what I’ll do. I went to millions of hockey games in high school, but the one game that was ever worth going to was the game where I met you. I figure that if I met you at 16 and we’re still talking, there’s got to be something there. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to see that through.”

Jane was speechless and hesitant, but she knew that 8 years was a long time, and a lot to throw away. Hearing the words of her mother echoing in her head, “everything happens for a reason,” Jane realized that there must have been a good reason as to why everything kept coming full circle back to her and Dick. She realized that if she took the chance and it didn’t work out, she would eventually bounce back; but if she didn’t take the chance and told him to scram, she would always wonder what might have been. So Jane went with her gut, and forgave Dick for what he had done. And to this day, Dick still hears about his misconduct on a daily basis. ***

So that was the long story of “Dick and Jane” and the rollercoaster of a ride they have been on together for almost a decade. Love (did I just say love? More on that later.) sometimes finds you in the most peculiar places. A wise friend once told me, “Love normally finds you when you stop looking for it and just let things happen in their own good time,” and she was right. I think that it is so much more important to find Mr. Right than Mr. Right Now. Don’t waste your time on the angry dog haters, tight wads, annoyingly perfects, bad joke tellers, selfish jerks, or any other type that you’ve come across. You’re not going to change them. I encourage you to stop looking, because when you do, the greatest things fall right in your lap. Sometimes everything can seem upside down, but when you least expect it, the world will right itself again.

xoxo
Tinstar Sweetheart

The summer before I started college, my soon-to-be roommate told me I should sign up for a webpage on this little website called “Facebook”. Little did I know that in a few years, millions of people across the world (myself included) would slowly become addicted to this personal webpage. And that’s what Facebook is; a display of your personal interests, pictures, what you do in your spare time, when your birthday is, your religious and political views, sexual orientation, favorite movies, books, quotes, and the coveted Facebook relationship status. So what once started out as tiny website created for college kids to connect with friends across the U.S., has now gone global with people from age 12 to 75 signing up for accounts.

Every Facebook user can set their “privacy” options so that their account is viewable to all people who search for them; only to those they are already friends with, or only to those who share the same network (Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas Tech, UT, etc.). But essentially, every person who has a Facebook is sharing a lot of personal information about themselves with the general public, whether they realize it or not. There have even been warnings that large employers have paid Facebook for access to potential employees pages to see if they are the right material for the job. Pretty scary. But what is even scarier is the astounding cultural effect that Facebook has had on modern day relationships.

As it is inferred by the title of this blog, most of those crazy kids today think that their relationship with another person isn’t an official (i.e. committed) relationship unless it is branded by the Facebook name. People my age don’t “go steady” anymore and they don’t “go out”. They “talk”. This “talking” phenomenon normally occurs in the beginning stages of a relationship when there are a lot of awkward silences, trips to bathroom to check your makeup, and fixing your hair every time you see the guy. After the talking phase (if things go well), the couple will probably move to being “together”. Being together doesn’t even necessarily mean that either party in the relationship has addressed it. It’s sort of an unspoken togetherness. Finally, the big day will come. The day that you have that little “request” link on your Facebook homepage from your hunky sweetheart and you know that he wants to make it official by showing all of cyberspace that you are his. Ahh, the bliss. So this is what our culture has come to: only being committed to someone if it says that you are on a website. I remember learning about courtship back in the day where a guy and a girl went on two dates and then they were engaged. She got a ring. We get a relationship request. Lovely.

So after it’s officially on Facebook and everyone and their dog (yes, they actually do have Facebook FOR YOUR DOG) has commented on how cute you both are, it’s official, and public, and everyone knows you are taken. However…there is always that off chance that things could go awry between you and your Facebook lovah, which would mean ending the relationship, and having your break up publicly displayed for all to see: “Susie Q is no longer listed as ‘in a relationship’”. There is even a sad little broken heart icon next to it to show off the utter tragedy.
The drama that the Facebook relationship status has caused has hit close to home a few times, and close to my bedroom in college. One of my college roommates had to find out from her professor when she went to class one morning that she had been dumped. Their conversation went something like this:
Professor: Wow, I’m surprised you made it to class today.
Friend: Excuse me?
Professor: I figured you’d be at home crying because of your break up.
Friend: Umm…what break up?
Professor: Have you checked your Facebook today?
Friend: No…why?
Professor: Whoops….sorry. You got dumped this morning.
Friend = Mortified.

So people have even used Facebook as some bizarre form of relationship torture to break up with their significant other without even talking about it. The drama it has caused has even made national news! I was on ABCNews.com and saw that the first official “Facebook Divorce” happened the other day. A guy from the UK updated his “What are you doing right now?” status to read: “Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady.” The sad part is that poor Emma, who is apparently not an avid Facebook user herself, had to find out about the inappropriate request for a divorce from a friend who happened to see it on her homepage news feed. Another girl interviewed for the article said she found out that her boyfriend had a double identity. Her friends encouraged her to sign up for a page and when she searched for her boyfriend, she found that he had two separate pages- one that listed him as in a relationship, and one in which he was in an “open relationship”. She promptly dumped him, making his alter ego Facebook no longer necessary.

I’m not trying to point fingers by any means. I’m just as guilty of it as the next person. We’ve all spent too much energy worrying about the label put on our relationships rather than putting all that energy into making the relationship work. So the next time a guy (or girl) asks you to be in a Facebook OFFICIAL relationship just remember that it’s not a marriage proposal (even those can be taken back as proved by the latest Bachelor, Jason…don’t get me started- more on that later). You be the one to define what your relationship is and what it’s going to be. And if you’re going to dump someone, just remember your Facebook manners and be classy about it!

XOXO

I was walking through Walmart and saw it on the cover of US Weekly. Chris Brown and Rihanna’s traumatic breakup. Since it was US Weekly, I figured that it was probably not true (even though I am as hopelessly addicted to trashy tabloid magazines as the next person). A few days later, the only guy in our office gave me his wife’s copy of Entertainment Weekly since he knows all about my Twilight obsession and Edward and Bella were on the cover (breathtaking). While flipping through the issue, I came across another article claiming that Brown and Rihanna had broken up, but even more shocking was that the reason behind the breakup was because he had abused her. I decided to read on and get the details from a seemingly more reliable source.

Entertainment Weekly stated that the night before the Grammy’s, Chris and Rihanna attended a Grammy pre-party and seemed to be the picture of a beautiful, young couple deeply in love. However, the next morning, Grammy producers received word that neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna would be attending the show that night (even thought they were both nominated and on the schedule to perform). It seemed that Chris Brown was under investigation for domestic violence felony charges for assaulting a woman. Even more shocking was that the supposed victim was his girlfriend Rihanna. Right before the Grammy ceremony started, Brown turned himself into authorities and was released soon after on a $50,000 bond. His court date is scheduled for March 5th.

So now that I have rehashed all of the gruesome details, there are two questions running through my mind: 1) why? and 2) what would I do if I were the victim in this situation? Besides the fact that both parties are very famous and have a highly publicized relationship, this type of situation is all too often not far from our own backyards. I think that a lot of people have the “it would never happen to me” attitude about abusive relationships, but even the most picture perfect relationships can turn ugly. In the right situation, with the right amount of anger and surge of adrenaline, anyone can lose it. Because of this, I think that it is important for us not to expect the worse from our significant other, but rather have an idea about how we might handle the situation.

When I was in college, I had been dating a guy for a little over a year. He had started drinking excessively on the weekends, and one night while trying to get him back to his room, he got angry and pushed me into a wall. I broke up with him right then and there, and never looked back. It starts out with little things: pushing, verbal/emotional abuse, slaps, restraining or grabbing your wrists; but it can quickly escalate into something bigger and much worse. And the one thing that tends to keep most people in the relationship is the notion that the situation merited the person’s violent response. We want to make excuses because when you love someone, it’s hard to accept the fact that they are nothing like the person you thought they were. When you love someone unconditionally, it’s hard to say that this is one condition that is the exception to the rule.

So it appears that Rihanna decided to call the cops on her long time boyfriend after he physically abused her. And I know how it feels to make that call; to pull the plug on a relationship with someone you truly loved and thought you could trust. I said that in my previous relationship I dumped my boyfriend and never looked back, but that doesn’t mean that it was easy. There were the “I was drunk” excuses for weeks afterwards, the “I’m sorry” flowers, and the moments where I thought about how simple it would be to make excuses for him and forget the whole incident. But at the end of the day, the one person I couldn’t turn my back on, was me. So I invite you to think about what you would do if faced with such a disheartening situation. And more importantly, I encourage you stand up for what you believe and respect yourself…because you ARE worth it.

* If you are currently in an abusive relationship, please find the courage to make the call. The following are resources that can help you:

• The Salvation Army Domestic Violence Hotline: (214) 424-7200
• Domestic Violence Intervention Alliance of Dallas: (214) 941-1991
• Hope’s Door 24 Hour Hotline: (972) 422-7233‎
• Brighter Tomorrows Crisis Hotline- 24 Hour Hotline: (972) 262-8383‎
• http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/womenrisk/

Around Christmas time, I went on a few dates with a guy who seemed like quite a catch. He was charismatic, took me out on an AMAZING date, paid for everything and was a complete gentleman. We went out a couple of more times, and then he left town for a week to go to Colorado to ski, mountain climb, be a rugged man, whatever. Now unless his fingers were broken from a tragic ski accident, there really was no reason why I hadn’t received a call or text for almost a week. So when I had almost given up hope, I get out of the gym only to find that I have a missed call and voicemail from this “wonderful” guy. He proceeded to tell me how much he missed me and how he felt like it had been years since we had talked. I called him back, we talked, and agreed to meet up the next night with some friends at a bar in Addison. The entire evening could not have been more awkward: I had to toss back more than my fair share to make it even remotely bearable. Before I left he clarified how much he really liked me (blah, blah, blah), however proceeded to not call me for two days. Finally he calls, and tells me that he has emotional and mental issues and doesn’t want to put me through his “ups and downs” by dating me. Well thank GOD for that. And how exciting that I have one more lame excuse to add to the pages I have already accumulated in

However, after this whole incident, I took stock and went back over the whole situation. Do I really want to be with someone who doesn’t call? Do I really want to spend all of my time suppressing my feelings so that I can appear like I don’t care? Or do I want the guy who is going to call when he says he will, doesn’t care if I’m makeup-less with hair in a ponytail and sweats on, won’t point out that my love of pizza is going straight to my derriere, and doesn’t complain about my unrealistic expectations of him because of my current infatuation with Edward Cullen? Okay, so maybe I’m being a little idealistic, but I believe that we can find someone who embodies what we truly want. And I believe that in order to find that person it is essential to stop looking for opportunities and let them find you. They will show up in the most unexpected of places. That’s all for now. Tune in later for more adventures and misgivings.

xoxo

I’m single; single and living in the city. It sounds kind of like sex and the city, but without the fabulous designer clothes and the time to go suck down Cosmos on a weeknight at a trendy bar. And I haven’t always been single. I’ve had my fair share of winners, losers, clingers, jerks, atheists, head cases, criers, binge drinkers, too-good-to-be truers (and trust me, the majority of the time they are), liars, cheaters, and pretty much anything else you can think of. And that is predominantly what this blog is about: the adventures, misgivings, and the downright rollercoaster of a world that today’s singles face. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes it totally sucks. Sometimes I just need to vent about the craziness involved in the single gal’s world (He’s Just Not That Into You anyone?). So read on to find out more about my crazy life and why, in spite of all of the drama, I’m still hopeful for Mr. Right.

Hello there! Welcom to Tinstar Sweetheart. I'll be launching in full force soon, so check back to see my first post.